manic. my thoughts are racing at the speed of light. here we are, we've arrived, oh no, new destination, everybody back on board.


i'm placed in a glass jar and nothing around me is moving. We are ever still, ever vigilant, in hope of one day finding something that can make us move again.

i cannot move until you do, we are contractually bind to each other, so please, take your best shot.

( i don't know what i want, )

i cannot recall the last time i have felt this way. I feel safe...secure almost. When we cannot change the feelings and impulses we bear our hearts to, what do we have? what is this duality?

I've come to understand that keeping a safe and comfortable distance from those around me is not the proper way to live, but as of now i am too vulnerable to live life any other way.

are you a dream? i believe i am correct in assuming you are. What is it about you that is so appealing? i think i could only scratch the surface of your wonders.

( honey, you are the only exception, )

in hindsight,i suppose all human beings are contrived to believe that there is always a hero and a villain, a darkside and that of the light.


but what about the lines deterred inbetween? What if someone does evil things with good intentions or vice versa? what is really RIGHT and what is really WRONG? we are molded to believe that certain feelings and impulses are normal, but what about those that are not? who is to really say what in your life is acceptable and not acceptable?


define the line between good and evil. i am a villain with heroic intentions. a hero with malicious thoughts.

i am that defined line between good and evil...so where do i fit?

( i'm still an animal, )

reconfigure your facial expressions, she is at a loss for words. I'm so lost, cannot regain my composure.


brighten my nights with skylit favors as opposed to your usual charm. you are a physical manifestation of everything i could ever want.

i brush your skin ever so lightly just to feel that this is real, to feel as though i am alive.

such instances do not occur, only in my dreams. For i am a mental manifestation of everything you wish you could never see in a person.

( show the world to me, )

i'm attempting to prove myself wrong. that i am no longer a soldier of circumstance.


i will control my own destiny. my movements are slothlike, and my reactions leave something to be desired.

when i am in a remotely "okay" mood, i am no longer able to write, as i do not know what happiness feels like. it is foreign, and just as uncontrollable as despair.

having no control for me is a problem. i won't allow it to happen.

its been crippling me lately. it seems as though both of my legs are broken.


i am immobile. i don't suppose anyone can truly be free of all of their worldly or physical troubles.

you come for me in the worst of places. i cannot comply when my intentions are purely platonic towards every human being i have ever met.

you and i together, but only one of us in love, and everbody knows.

( i can't sleep. )

i am finding myself more and more annoyed with those around me.

i no longer care about the things that go on in their lives, because everyone is unaapreciative of my help.

And when they fail, they come crying to me. i do not wish to be a shoulder to cry on.

it seems to be a new habit of mine to wake up in a horrible mood.

One could argue and say that i am miserable for no reason, however, i do not care what one would say.

( I must have read a thousand faces, )

i feel as though im starting to accept my awkward self a little more each day.

i cannot explain the things that i have emotionally thrust upon myself, only that they have destroyed me nearly completely and totally.

i am at a point in my life when nothing is happening. i wish there was something i could do, but i am a slave to circumstance.

( so if you'll come to me now, )

in a way, i am jealous of your ability to be able to take risks in order to pursue what you want no matter how much it hurts or doesn't work out.


i get nervous even thinking about a risk. so i refrain from truly living and shelter myself because no one else cares enough to do it.

i have never met anyone hatred for the human race has matched my own.

those i have never met, i don't care to know. and those i know, i most likely despise.

my only true love, my one and only is the melody that is reoccuring as a constant in my head.

( eyes wide open, )

i am far too sensitive sometimes.


while one may enjoy the rush of taking a risk and having it be worth it, i am a nervous wreck.

i think far too much about the negative possibilities and consequences for my actions. i do not act at all. it is a sad life sometimes. how lucky we are to be able to make our own decisions and lead our own lives, and i cannot seem to be as decisive as my ungrateful counterpart.


there are these vivid colors in some parts of my membrane, while others remain gray.

i am trapped in this birdcage of flesh where i am self conscious, i am afraid to look in the mirror.

( its coming to an end, yeah. )